Mr. George’s  DOCTOR  APPROVED  Nerve Tonic and Guaranteed WRONG NFL Predictions 2000

AFC east

1. Indianapolis 12-4: Jim Mora is about as interesting as a leaky faucet. How did he ever wind up with this bunch?

2. N.Y. Jets 9-7:  They’ll score plenty.  They’ll be fun to watch.  And then  They’ll CHOKE! 

3. Miami 8-8: Dolphins defense stone-walls runners, terrorizes quarterbacks mauls receivers.  So does Dolphins offense.

4. Buffalo 8-8: Efficient, competent team. Zzzzzzzzzzz

5. New England 6-10: Late October: After weeks of embarrassing tirades, team officials place Bill “nutcase” Belichick in “coaching cage” for remainder of season. "It's for my own protection," Belichich sheepishly explains.

AFC central

1. Tennessee 13-3: Dang! These guys'll take a switch to ya and make you Holler fo rmama! Sa-lute!

2. Baltimore 10-6: Ravens lurk in the shadows. Plotting….scheming. Losers nevermore

3. Jacksonville 10-6: The Colosseum sits empty, weeds grow in the Parthenon and the viaducts run dry. An empire in collapse! Et tu,Searcy?

4. Cincinnati 6-10: The only reason for six wins is (see below)

5. Pittsburgh 4-12: By the end of the season. Cowher's face will look worse than this. Click and drag them to the nearest cemetery.

6. Cleveland 3-13: “Pound” and “Dawgs”Pretty well describes the outlook.

AFC west

1. Oakland 11-5: Players are badly shaken when Al Davis, Wearing a black wash-pail over his head, drunkenly stumbles into locker-room and bearhugs Jon Gruden, whispering “Luke…Luke.”

2. Denver 10-6: Nike execs delighted by rebound of team swoosh.

3. San Diego 8-8: A pretty Decent bunch. Too bad nobody east of Rancho Cucamonga gives a rat’s ass.

4. Seattle 8-8: Great city? Check. Terrific coach? Check. Jon Kitna? Blech.

5.  Kansas City 6-10: You can write the star-studded Chiefs at: Resident or Occupant, 123 Main Street, Anytown U.S.A.

Here are the NFC predictions. Mysteriously, Mr. George changed the format for the NFC. We don't ask and he doesn't tell...

Write MR George